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GRITZ Movie Reviews: Speed Racer Finishes Last; What Happens in Vegas; Made of Honor

SPEED RACER
Well there was certainly enough hype for this one going in. After all, it’s legacy as a classic Japanimation cartoon and comic is the stuff of dreams. It seems a movie based on the cartoon would be a guaranteed winner. Well, maybe not.

Halfway into the movie I was panicking. I was ready to speed out of the theater. But I had to watch it all. It’s my job.

I was reminded of the awful comic movie Dick Tracy, as well as the ultra-lame live action Flintstones, which shared a star with Speed Racer in John Goodman. Goodman is a great comedic actor, but he should have never signed on for this. Same with Susan Sarandon. What were they thinking?

The brightly colored pastel world of Speed Racer is interesting for about five minutes, and the insane race sequences that promised to be so “spectacular” are, in reality, a bore.

It was cool seeing Matthew Fox from LOST as Racer X.... well, kinda. And Christina Ricci is a cutie, although her Trixie is duller than the back side of a hand saw.

I really dreaded going to this one, and my fears were realized. This is one lame movie, at least for adults. I can’t speak for the kiddies.

No Stars

SOUTHERN ROCK WATCH: Oddly enough, in a brief scene where Speed’s kid brother and his chimpanzee are driving what appears to be an airport cart through this industrial complex, the monkey is behind the wheel and the music playing is the end jam from Skynyrd’s “Free Bird.” Go figure.

 

BABE WATCH: Christina Ricci is just so strange. And kinda hot.


And speaking of racing. Let me toss out my ideas for some live action race movies I’d like to see that could help us all forget Speed Racer.

• The Whacky Races  Based on the late sixties Saturday morning cartoon that featured Penelope Pitstop, Dick Dastardly and Muttley and the gang. Now that would be fun.

• Hot Wheels   What an idea! A movie featuring real live versions of our favorite 1960’s Hot Wheels cars, and a racetrack that feature a turbo booster that kicks the car out the other side and around two loops. Wow!

• The Cannonball Run    A remake of the seventies film with contemporary stars.

• Earhardt     A serious bio-epic of NASCAR legend Dale Earnhardt.



WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS

I love it when I get surprised by a movie. Judging by the over hyped previews, I didn’t know if this one would be much better to me than Speed Racer. I am happy to report that the chemistry between Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher, along with a fine supporting cast (namely friends Rob Corddry and Lake Bell) make this one a pretty darned funny flick. Some of the scenes even brought out genuine belly laughs, and Dennis Miller gets in a few zingers as the Judge. Queen Latifah has really turned into a great actor, and her cameo as the marriage councilor is very cool.

To sum it up. Ashton Kutcher is way too lucky. He gets to make out with Cameron in this movie, and go home to Demi Moore. What's up with that? Sorry, I got sidetracked. To sum it up, I liked it.

FOUR STARS



MADE OF HONOR

The age old story of “you never know how much you love someone until they are gone.” Patrick Dempsey as playboy Tom Bailey has a hot best friend named Hannah, played by Michelle Monaghan. Tom and Hannah have great fun. They love all the same things, they love sharing their cake and talking about everything under the sun. When Hannah is sent on a business trip to Scotland, Tom begins to really miss his friend, and comes to realize she means the world to him. When she arrives back from Europe, he plans to ask her to marry him. Unfortunately, she returns from Scotland with a fiance, the perfect catch by all accounts. Now Tom must act as Maid of Honor for her royal wedding at a castle on the Moors. Either that or, better yet, stop the wedding and get the girl.

A fun story with good acting and awesome scenes from Scotland that will make you call your travel agent.

FOUR STARS

-All Reviews by Michael Buffalo Smith

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